First Memory - June 1964

He remembers it this way: He was two and a half years old, and he had come with his dad and mom to the doctor's office. The town they lived in had only one doctor: Dr.Skaggs, and he was already an ancient man who would have retired long ago if he had been able to find a suitable replacement. As it was, the boy was there with his parents to welcome a new brother or sister into the family.

These were the days before doctors could tell you the sex of a baby before it was born, but the boy knew he would soon have a baby brother. After all, that is what his Ma Nellie had told everyone. Ma Nellie said it had to do with the way the boy's mom carried the baby inside her belly. And as far as the boy was concerned, what Ma Nellie said was the gospel truth.

He remembers drinking a Coke. It was one of those six and a half ounce glass bottles of the nectar that had the highest ratio of fizz to drink available. It was so potent that a swig of it could bring tears to your eyes if you swallowed it too quickly. Maybe his tears were the reason he made a wrong turn when he left the bathroom to return to the waiting room were his dad was sitting.

Instead the boy found himself in a hallway. He could hear voices coming from a room at the end of the corridor, as well as a baby crying. Curious, he made his way to the room and opened the door. The first thing he saw was his mother laying on a bed, with her legs sprawled open. The next thing he saw was the blood. To his eyes the blood seemed to be everywhere. And though it was the first time had seen so much blood, he wasn't scared. He didn't know about the danger of too much blood loss then, and to him it was pretty - especially the blood soaked into the sheets of bed.

He stared into the room and watched as the Doctor and two nurses hovered around his mom. Then a small blur of motion in the corner of his eye caught his attention. Turning, he saw his baby brother in the incubator. Tiny hands and feet waving in the air. He smiled and said, "Hello baby brother. How are you?"

His smile faded quickly however when he heard the doctor's voice, "What the hell is that kid doing in here? Get him the hell out of here, now!"

One of the nurses came over to him, and turning him around, led him back to the waiting room to his dad. "Where've you been, boy?" his father asked.

"I saw my brother," he said.

"Well, you better get over here sit your hind end down and stay put." his father replied. "Cause if I have to sit you down myself, you're gonna be hurtin' before you're sitting."

"Okay," he said, taking another tear-inducing swig of his Coke.

Technorati tags: birth, first memory, family, Coca-Cola

The Flames of Hell - July 1977

There were times when his dad was preaching that he saw the flames of hell through the windows of the small store-front church.  Though not an educated man, having quit school when he was 14, the boy's father knew how to paint a picture with his words.  This was especially true when it came to describing the eternal torment that sinners would endure after their deaths.

Hell is a place where the fire is not not quenched and the worm never dies, his father exclaimed.  And if he did not understand the relationship between an undying worm and hellfire, the image nevertheless made the boys skin crawl.  You will be tormented for all time, and you would give anything you ever had - all your money, all your possessions - just to have a small drop of water placed on your tongue to quench your thirst.  But you will never have that drop of water.

The flames of hell will lick around your body for eternity.  Just when you think that you've felt the worst pain you could ever feel, those demons will ratchet up the fire a little more, and you will scream in agony and curse the day you were born and all the days that you failed to give your life over to Jesus.  Today is the day of your salvation, and if you leave this church without asking Jesus into your heart, you risk damning your soul to hell forever.

The boy has heard these same words many times before, and not just from his dad.  Hell was number two on the top five sermon lists of all the Pentecostal preachers he had ever met.  Number five was sexual immorality. Four was being baptized with the Holy Ghost as evidenced by speaking in tongues.  Condemning the so-called Christians in other so-called churches -like Catholics and Presbyterians and Methodists was number three.  The only sermon preached more frequently than the dangers of Hell was the Second Coming of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

The boy had heard them all, repeatedly.  He knew what the preachers would say before they said the words themselves.  He knew the rhythms and cadences that the best preachers employed.  He had already started practicing how to add an extra syllable to words at the end of sentences, like "You need to turn to Gawdda!"  and "Praise the Lordda!"  And he knew that everything they said was geared to getting people out their seats and down to the altar to confess their sins and be born again.  He knew that in part in was all a show, meant to entertain and bring about the desired response, but even so, when he looked at the window behind his dad's relentlessly pacing figure, he could see the flames of Hell waiting to claim him, body and soul. 

It was an image that would stalk him for the rest of his life. It was a fear that would consume him in the quiet of dark nights, whether he was alone or with his wife or lover, in his youth and his old age.  He would never be able to get away from those flames, and every window he ever looked through held the promise and terror of Hell finally catching up to him and his sins. 

Technorati tags: Hell, sermons, Pentecostal preaching, family

My Story

And He said, A certain man had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that is coming to me. And he divided his living to them. And not many days afterward, the younger son gathered all together and went away into a far country. And there he wasted his property, living dissolutely.

And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land. And he began to be in want. And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country. And he sent him into his fields to feed pigs. And he was longing to fill his belly with the husks that the pigs ate, and no one gave to him.

And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father abound in loaves, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, Father, I have sinned against Heaven and before you and am no more worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.

And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said to him, Father, I have sinned against Heaven and before you, and am no more worthy to be called your son.

But the father said to his servants, Bring the best robe and put it on him. And put a ring on his hand and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf here and kill it. And let us eat and be merry, for this my son was dead and is alive again, he was lost and is found. And they began to be merry.

And his elder son was in the field. And as he came and drew near the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has received him safe and sound. And he was angry and would not go in.  Therefore his father came out and entreated him.

And answering he said to his father, Lo, these many years I have served you, neither did I transgress your commandment at any time. And yet you never gave me a kid so that I might make merry with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your living with harlots, you have killed for him the fattened calf.

And he said to him, Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. It was right that we should make merry and be glad, for this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.

(Luke 15:11-32)